One of the most challenging, heart-breaking, pleasurable, living life on the edge jobs, is to be a musician. Living a life of uncertainty is the constant thought that runs in the minds of musicians, but in the end, every bit of it is absolutely worth it. My name is Dennis George and I am a violinist. I started playing the violin at a young age of six. My mother is the reason why I play the violin. When she was young, she always wanted to learn the instrument, but because of issues, she couldn't and she told herself that she would teach one of her kids this beautiful instrument and I am glad that I was that kid.
Upto the age of 17, I used to play at school and college competitions and after that, I started my first band- 'Hoping for tomorrow'. We were a progressive/ Rock band. We got our first show at this pub called, '5 point'. We kept going on for a couple of months and tried to get shows, but apparently no one wanted to hear a couple of kids play. The band finally dissolved after one last show at this place called 'Dialogue Cafe'. That was a pretty memorable show. It was then that I realized that a competition isn't what life actually gives, but life in-itself was a competition. From having a large crowd during a competition to having 2 people sit in front of us, it was disheartening. This then gave way for me to start my solo career in music. I still remember the very first solo show that I got for Valentine's day. I was so nervous, but that made me realize that I can even handle shows by myself. I started concentrating on my solo stuff more. During the period of 2016 to 2018, I figured if I worked hard enough, I can definitely make this a career. This is when I also started studying B.Com. The decision of working on music and studying B.Com was a very bad one. I finally started getting gigs, a lot of gigs, and I had to give my full concentration over there. This led to me not even going to college during the 3rd semester and everything went haywire from there. I saw myself with the wrong group of friends and unsupportive people in that college. Depression got me and my studies went horribly wrong. No one believed me when I told them I wanted to become a musician. I finally dropped out of college which absolutely killed me because there was no support from anyone. I started isolating myself a lot. With this broken self of mine and absolutely no money with me, I contemplated suicide. I still remember the day that I sat on my bed and decided that I would end my life. I told myself I will play one last song and put myself out, but music, on that particular day, is the sole reason why I'm alive today.
Suicide was always an open option to me at that time. Everything about suicide always made me happy. I always thought about death. I even came to a point of throwing my Violin aside and crying my way to sleep. This was the most horrible and challenging time of my life and everything about this time was horrible. Amongst all these obstacles, music has always been there for me. For every emotion, for every situation and for every moment of suicide I thought of, music saved me.
At these horrible moments, I thank God for the band he put me in and the people that I could share this journey with. Rahul, Arun, Ashwanth, Febin, Infant and so many more wonderfully talented musicians, they have been a blessing to me.
You see, people! We as musicians face a lot of battles to try to make music a career. We have chosen a career that is hard on relationships, that is hard physically and mentally to us. As happy as you might see us on stage, that isn't always the life that we live. We have a constant torture of “trying to make it”, but in this conundrum of thoughts, we always find solace when we get on stage and give out our best. Even during the days of B.Com, I couldn't wait for my next gig. I knew that if I got a gig, I had a reason to push my suicidal day. Thank God for my band ' Threeory '. Thank God for the many shows we got during that time, because that saved me, literally!
My name is Dennis George and I am a survivor of high-Functioning depression and I can proudly say that my good lord and music is what saved!